College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
