I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
