i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
