My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
