I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
