HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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