Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she told me i tasted like america
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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