I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
time to smoke my breakfast
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
