I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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