so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
