Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
