I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
