OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
