You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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