why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
