its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
