I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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