Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
