My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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