I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
