bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
