Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
