the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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