k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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