all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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