Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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