First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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