The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
