ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
