I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
