They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
