But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
