Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
