Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
