I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
