im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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