I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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