maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
