Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
