I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Randomize
