I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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