Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
