I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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