So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
