At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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