i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
