Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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