Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
