bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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