I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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