I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
