Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
