He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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